Intimate partner violence, also known as domestic violence/abuse is a global concern that continues to ail our society. Although women continue to be the majority of domestic violence victims, men are also abused by their current and former intimate partners. According to a 2017 study, in every 1000 Kenyans, 3.8 women and 1.3 men are victims of domestic violence. Domestic violence occurs when someone aims to consistently control their partner through physical, psychological, and sexual abuse.
Interestingly, most of us only focus on the issue of mental health post-domestic violence while giving a blind eye to one’s mental wellness before the abuse. We cannot ignore the fact that mental health plays a vital role in preventing intimate partner violence. Henceforth, we should all try to be constantly aware of the state of our mental health to avoid becoming victims of abuse from our partners.
How many cases of homicides do we see in the news that are related to intimate partner violence? Even young college students are dying thanks to domestic violence which is devastating, to say the least. Take for instance the 24 years old man from Kitengela who stabbed his girlfriend five times before committing suicide, which is just one of the many cases.
How mental health relates to domestic violence
These are real stories that don’t just happen from the blues. The abusers are often driven by a desire to control and assume the superior role in the relationship. Some abusers may have unresolved mental health issues while others draw their abusive traits from their childhood experiences. When such a person is in a relationship with a partner who is clueless about mental health and healthy relationships, they are likely to become a victim of domestic abuse.
When you are at your best, mentally, you know your values, can set healthy boundaries and can notice red flags from afar. You are so self-aware that you know when it’s time to call off an abusive relationship. And if you are just at the onset of a relationship, you might even spot abusive traits and keep off. Although it’s not easy to identify an abusive person, as they tend to seem all nice in public, traits such as jealousy, issues with substance abuse, cheating accusations and needing to know where their partner is every time are common red flags that you should never ignore.
On the other hand, if you are struggling and can barely identify your values, it’s easier to fall in the wrong hands and have people take advantage of you. A toxic and abusive partner can manipulate you and you might never notice what they are doing until it’s too late. If you struggle with self-esteem and your partner says things like nobody can ever love you as they do, you may be duped into staying in an abusive relationship. With time, you may start to believe what they say and live in fear of never finding love.
Taking charge of your mental health
The moment we keep quiet and do nothing about our mental wellness, we give abusers more power to control us. But what if we took charge of our lives and decided to lead a mentally healthy life? With knowledge, we are empowered and can break loose the chains of domestic violence.
Creating a support system is one of the best ways to have better mental health and prevent domestic violence. Sadly, the stigma surrounding speaking up and reaching out for help is so sickening that most people choose to suffer in silence, which should never be the case. It’s no wonder that in this age, most Kenyans still believe that domestic violence is a private issue that doesn’t require intervention by the authorities.
Despite all this, having a support system be it family, friends, or, a mental health therapist, eases the burden of mental anguish that may lead to being victims or perpetrators of intimate partner violence. Make sure that you have a safe space to run to and vent when you are mentally overwhelmed. This way, the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness will not lead you to abusers, who are usually too charming and affectionate until they mask off and reveal their ugly side.
